Triangulation: The Toxic Triangle Narcissists Use to Control You

We’ve all heard of the term “narcissist” tossed around more and more lately—and for good reason. People are finally waking up to the psychological gymnastics that narcissistic partners put others through.

One of the most damaging tactics I’ve seen over and over in my coaching practice is triangulation—and trust me, it’s as manipulative as it sounds.

Triangulation happens when a narcissist drags a third person into your relationship dynamic to create jealousy, insecurity, or competition. Maybe it’s their ex they keep “accidentally” mentioning, or a friend they constantly compare you to.

Sometimes, it’s even your own child. The point is to make you feel “less than,” confused, or desperate for approval. And worse, it creates chaos and pulls your attention away from your gut instincts—which are probably already waving red flags.

The worst part? Most people don’t even realize it’s happening until they’re deep into the dysfunction. So if you’ve felt constantly compared, belittled, or pitted against someone else in your relationship—it’s not in your head. You’re not “overreacting.” You’ve likely been triangulated.

The good news? Once you recognize it, you can start reclaiming your sanity. Awareness is your first step out. You’re not alone in this—there is help, and there is healing.